And so I was told to make a new blog.
Nothing much happens to me lately, just some exams and all that stresses me.
However, no one seems to understand what it means exam = study hard = I need my time to study.
I remember I used to study like crap; I would write the main points and the definitions repeatedly with bunch of papers just to remember and hope I can stuff the points in my head.
Until I found some new method, group studying, as in everyone discuss, I listen, and digest the conversation. It works on me.
Anyway, I was still confused with everything in my life. I’m indecisive and stubborn sometimes, well, a lot of times to be exact.
Say I’m moved on? Not quite. Say I’m stuck? I’m not sure either. It seems like every time I’ll imagine, day dream or even dream things that are impossible.
I hurt a lot of people recently. Especially my mother I guess.
After realized I made a wrong move making the stupid quiz “How well do you know me” on facebook and my dad eventually took it.
I guess both of them were upset with one of the questions. Sigh.
She called me last night. But I can hear the sadness from her tone. I couldn’t say much. I don’t know what to talk about.
Are you fine? How are you? All these questions were asked every time she called and I’ll just say yea, sure, u-huh, ok, bye. I only hope that I can say more, share more, talk more. But I just can’t.
Sometimes, I doubt myself making the right choice when I really have made my choice. Is it worth it to buy this? Am I sure I’ll go with this plan? I don’t know, sometimes, I wished people could guide me. Sadly, I don’t have anyone to depend on. My parents? To tell them all my doings and make them more worried? My girlfriend? She depends on me more than I could depend on her. My friends? Why do they even bother?
Now already 3:00am and tomorrow I have another 2:00pm exam and I didn’t even read much about it. People say I’m a good “counselor” and able to help them. Am I? I don’t even know much about my housemates, am I a good observer? When is the birthday, what is the favorite food, etc. Now to think about it, I don’t think I know much about them.
I’m not alienated by anyone. I am alienating myself from everyone who trying to get close to me. Sometimes I don’t really know what I really want in life. I just feel better being alone sometimes, that no one to argue, no one to entertain, no one to concern, no one to care, no one to feed, no one to stress.
I guess, my life is a plain paper waiting to be recycled sooner or later.
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